for this night

"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self--all your wishes and precautions--to Christ." C. S. Lewis

I am struggling. There is a daily existence that consists of breathing, closing eyes, and hiding my face in my pillow that I wish was greatly more effective than it actually is. I am terrified of facing each decision and constantly feeling an overwhelming pressure to be more than I can be.

There are truly thousands of different stars that might be the one named after me, with my story told across it. Some are too bright to see properly. Others barely there, and I have to remind myself that they exist.

I have to remind myself that the path that I want is more than the wide obvious one and brave the brambles of this forest. And try to remember I'm not alone.

We're exploding again. Bits and pieces-- some I fear irreparable. Oh Lord, come quick.