on convictions, college, and cupcakes.

This weekend was one of those weekends where you enter into it feeling overwhelmed and broken, and leave with a sense of peace and renewed hope.

On Friday, I found out that one of my major applications was due on November 15th, not December 15th as I originally thought it was. That was a bit shocking, and disturbing, because at the time my final list of schools was down to seven. Basically, I knew I was over my limit for work that needed to get done and was not going to be able to meet my application deadlines and maintain my school workload, which is substantial, in addition to my senior project. It was just not happening.

On Saturday morning, I met with one of my good friends for breakfast. This is why I love having people you only see once a month. When you talk, it means something. You focus on real and serious issues and leave feeling renewed and comforted. It's great. I decided not to apply to two of my reach schools, Yale and Columbia. Still though, I spent the rest of the day reworking my application for the University of Chicago, and basically going nowhere with it. Looking back even only a few hours later, I should have seen that if the process was that difficult, something needed to give.

On Saturday evening, I was completely broken down. I just opened up to God. I seriously just needed to pour my heart out to Him. One of my greatest fears was that this year I would rely on my own strength. I am constantly doing this, and I know I will do it again. But I firmly believe there are times when you need to accept yes I am overwhelmed, yes I cannot do this, and accept that is ok. I may sound cliche but I definitely feel this to be true. There are reasons that God opens and closes doors, and that is what I prayed. That he would make it abundantly clear to me where I was supposed to go, and what I was supposed to do, and give me wisdom to make some important decisions.

So this morning as I was driving to church, I had a conversation with my mom and one of my friends. I basically decided that one of the Christian schools that I was applying to, Biola, while a perfectly wonderful school, was not as dear to my heart as a different school that has been my first choice since I visited it in May. I chose to cross it off my list as well. 

So this afternoon,  I won't go into explicit details, but I attended an event that clearly opened my eyes. I literally heard a voice in my head saying, "This is not for you." and I knew right then that I wasn't going to apply to the University of Chicago.

I'm going to write it out in basic math. 7 schools - 4 schools = 3 schools. THREE SCHOOLS! In one weekend, I literally more than halved my list, without intending to. I call that answered prayer. It is incredibly frightening to take away these schools that have been fantasies for so long. Even without applying, they have been possibilities that I have taken into every serious decision I've made in my academic career. Yes, I am a planner. And I feel like through this, more than anything, God has been teaching me so much about being willing to listen to his plan. But more than that, acting on convictions that he gives to his children. I asked him to clear a way, and he did. He does answer. It's not always how we want to planned on it, but I feel like when we hear his voice so clearly we need to share these stories.

Normally I don't share my life events like this, more just the heart of the issue I'm working through. But this is serious, and this is real. It's important to talk about thoughts and ideas and worldview because that is how we deal with life when it happens, but it's equally important to share what actually does happen. At least, that's how I view it. Which is why I have one final comment.

I made AMAZING cupcakes tonight. Frosting here. Cupcake here. The cupcake is perfect. I would not change a thing, except don't be afraid to fill the liners more than a third full. Half is fine. But the frosting is a very strong vanilla flavor. It's delicious, and my family does have a strong vanilla, but I might not add as much vanilla next time. Anyhow.

That is my life right now. Convictions, college, and cupcakes. Plus a few other things thrown in that don't start with a C so I will mention them in another post. :)

(p.s. Unfortunately, I now have to use comment moderation. I've been receiving spam comments and I don't want those cluttering up my blog. Sorry for the inconvenience!)